http://www.mindsetmasteryseminars.com/artistryofchange

Have you ever ironically rushed to do something that’s supposed to be relaxing–such as a spa appointment, vacation or to get to sleep? For many people this happens regularly.

What if I just rushed faster?

The trap of rushing faster usually creates more problems. I used think that if I just worked longer hours and rushed faster that the feeling of overwhelm would eventually subside. But I now notice that never really works over the long term, because the rate of change is just speeding up and rushing faster is an impossible expectation. There is a deeper, more powerful and longer lasting solution.

80% of the reason you feel overwhelmed is because of your mindset

I have discovered that regularly feeling overwhelmed is just a bad habit of mind and actually a cultural transfer for which I pay a big price. I would go so far as to say it’s like a vampire that siphons my energy. Did you know that a recent poll of entrepreneurs and people in high-pressure jobs had To Do lists for just 1 day that would realistically take an average of two weeks to complete? Many university research studies have proven that un-doable To Do lists make many people less productive because the overwhelm causes inertia.

Overwhelm can negatively affect many areas of life

Do you remember the book the Way of the Peaceful Warrior? Peaceful warriors tend to make a lot less mistakes than frantic ones. Plus your health gets affected. People who feel overwhelmed are more likely catch a cold. Relationships suffer. If you dwell on how overwhelmed you feel it can make you less fun to be with on a date. Overwhelm actually makes you think less effectively and less creatively. In fact feeling overwhelmed is directly linked to digestive problems, moodiness ADHD and sleep problems. Feeling overwhelmed triggers the primitive fight or flight brain which can lead you to do or say things you might regret later. Over the long term the overwhelmed mindset has been linked to divorce, depression, suicide, cancer, dementia and financial problems.

So why do people keep getting stuck in overwhelm then?

Many people are unconsciously programmed for feeling overwhelmed. The human mind tends to imprint negative experiences far more often than positive ones. Neuroscientists say this is the primitive brain response. The primitive brain is consciously scanning for danger. If you burn your hand in the fire your brain will imprint that deeply so you won’t do it again. If you see a great sunset the brain doesn’t see this as necessary for your survival so won’t imprint it so deeply. This is kind of a system flaw when you think about it because it means you remember far more negative experiences than positive ones, giving you the overall impression that life is dangerous and unpleasant.

What underlying beliefs usually make you feel overwhelmed?

If you believe that you can’t change the things you actually CAN change or you react against the things you actually CAN’T change (or you can’t tell the difference between the two) that is definitely a recipe for overwhelm. And, of course this is just the opposite of a well known saying. When you’re calm and centered about your To Do list you have better health, enhanced relationships, feel more confident, trust in the future more, have more vitality, think better and make wiser decisions. There is a big domino effect here.

What you focus on grows

If you really think about it — for every one thing that’s not going well chances are 1000 things ARE going well. And, what you focus on grows so you might as well ruminate on one of the thousand things going right and instantly have a better day.

If you’d like to learn more about how to shift your mindset from overwhelm to calm and confident check out this webinar series:

http://www.mindsetmasteryseminars.com/artistryofchange

Problems can be the seed of your creative reinvention

You may be feeling stuck about a technical issue, or how to persuade a decision-maker to accept your idea, or trying to work with someone who grates on your nerves. The truth is, problems are actually the basis of all creativity. They are like the soil into which new possibilities can flourish. You would not be challenged to be creative if you didn’t have a problem to solve in the first place. The real problem would be not activating a creative mindset in the face of problems. That is why creativity is as important as literacy especially these days.

The top 5 questions to ask yourself

Below are 5 questions that can move the problem out of your reptilian brain into your neo-cortex. In other words, the questions direct the issue into a part of your brain that has more choice – other than just fight or flight.

Instructions

Feel free to use this with yourself or with those you influence. Print out the email and answer these questions on a sheet of paper. It should only take a few minutes and has been known to create a huge sense of relief in hundreds of our clients.

1. What is the problem you face in terms of a state of mind?

This question helps you to get clear on your current issue. Many times you can’t fix a problem because you don’t even know what it is. It also focuses your attention on the state of mind that is feeding the problem. For example: “I am overwhelmed by my priorities.”

2. What is your ideal outcome?

As Albert Einstein once said, “You cannot solve a problem with the same mindset that created it.” Your ideal outcome would therefore be a mindset that allowed you to solve the problem. For example: “My ideal outcome is to be confident about how to deal with my priorities.”

3. What’s good about having this problem to deal with right now?

Chances are you looking at this issue as “the glass is half empty”. All situations have their pros and cons. This question can help you see “the glass as half full”. Look at what you answered to Question #1 and see if you can find any benefits from working through this issue. It might be helping you build skills, activate your creativity, or allowing something else to occur that might otherwise not happen.

4. What needs to burn away so that the right solution can manifest?

Naturally occurring forest fires happen to keep the eco-system in balance. The canopy of old growth trees can completely block sunshine from reaching the forest floor where important plant life needs to flourish in order to feed the rest of the eco-system. Metaphors like this help open up the creative mind. What needs to burn away in terms of an assumption, a mindset, or point of view that’s blocking you from getting back in the flow with this situation?

5. If I were exceptional at (the task required), what would I do that I am not doing now?

This question helps you think outside of a limited view you may have of your abilities. You can “download genius” just by imagining you are someone who could easily sort this situation out. For example: “If I were exceptional at confidently dealing with my priorities (instead of being overwhelmed by them), what would I do that I’m not doing now?”

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Case study #1 – Overwhelmed by your priorities this week

Question #1: “I am overwhelmed by my priorities.”

Question #2: “My ideal outcome is to be confident about dealing with my priorities.”

Question #3: “What’s good about having to deal with this situation right now?” I have a fascinating project I get to work on right now that is inspiring me to grow, to better prioritize, and to be more innovative about how it gets done.

Question #4: “What needs to burn away?” Thinking that I need to be perfectionistic about this project, that I need to do it all myself, and that I need to spend as much time on low priority aspects as I am right now.

Question #5: “If I were exceptional at confidently dealing with my priorities (instead of being overwhelmed by them), what would I do that I’m not doing now?” I would delegate the task of formatting the document to someone who is better at it than me, such as Linda.

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Case study #2 – Dealing with negative behaviour at work

Question #1: “I am unclear and anxious about how to confront negative behaviour at work.”

Question #2: “My ideal outcome is to be confident about how to deal with negative behaviour at work.”

Question #3: “What’s good about having to deal with this situation right now?” I am getting to practice assertiveness skills, I’m helping our entire team by dealing with this situation openly, I’m getting to see how to use that negative behaviour for a positive outcome.

Question #4: “What needs to burn away? Thinking that I don’t know how to do it, and thinking that this negative behaviour can have no positive outcome.

Question #5: “If I were exceptional at confidently dealing with negative behaviour at work, what would I do that I’m not doing now?” I would make a list of all the ways I could direct this person’s behaviour style in a more positive direction.

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Next steps

Act on the wisdom you receive as soon as possible, as this will train your brain to start thinking like this more often. The brain will always seek the path of flow (or of least resistance), and will eventually default to it. In other words, once you show your brain a less stressful way to deal with your most common problems, you will no longer feel triggered by them. This creates a new neuro-pathway. That is why action is so important.

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Feel free to comment below–what questions do you use to activate your problem solving brain?

For more information on how you can improve innovative problem solving in your staff go to CLICK HERE

Think of a conflict you may be having right now. Are you making an assumption that is escalating your reaction—an assumption may not be true?

Susan, a family care consultant, had been polite on the first two occasions and nothing had changed. She asked Carol, the day home provider, to install a child protection gate at the top of each staircase in her house. Yet, each time Susan came for a visit, nothing had been installed.

On this particular day, Susan was in a low mood; she was having problems with her teen daughter, her laptop wasn’t working, and she had a bad toothache. When she saw no gates installed, Susan exploded, “Haven’t you been listening to me? Gates are a regulation you know…they aren’t optional. I’m tired of all your excuses. Either you get the gates this week or I’ll have to penalize you!”

Carol looked shocked and spat back, “I told you three times already they were on order and lost in shipping. There’s no need to talk to me like that. I’m doing the best I can here. I find your manner to be very unprofessional!”

Both women became triggered whereby their “fight or flight” brain took over. People usually get triggered when they makes assumptions and don’t check out whether or not they are true. Susan assumed that Carol was just lazy and had no intention of installing the gates. As it turned out, Carol was having financial difficulties and so she tried to buy a less expensive set online. The shipping was taking a long time.

Carol assumed that Susan thought she was incompetent. As it turned out, Susan was very impressed with Carol’s competence, but was just frustrated that the gates were still not installed after several weeks of asking. Unchecked assumptions coupled with a hectic day can spell disaster if you don’t have ways to prevent unnecessary communication breakdowns.

A great metaphor for understanding how releasing assumptions can open up conversations is to think about naturally occurring forest fires. Nature is wise. Small forest fires happen for a reason. Old growth trees create a canopy that doesn’t let the sunshine reach the forest floor. If the plants on the forest floor can’t get sunshine, they can’t survive and then there’s no food for animals to eat, which then messes up the whole eco-system.

Forest managers used to suppress those regular fires until they figured out that they were creating uncharacteristically large wildfires that ended up devastating huge areas. It can work like that in life. If you don’t regularly let the old burn down, something big will come along and burn it down for you. Have you noticed that? Assumptions can work the same way. If you don’t regularly burn away and release your assumptions about people’s motives and thoughts, your relationships can get damaged.

Your assumptions about a conflict could actually be incorrect. Write down everything you believe to be true about the other person’s thoughts and motives, then arrange a time to talk to the person and ask open questions.

In the case of Susan, she finalled asked in a neutral tone of voice, “What is really getting in the way of you not having the gates installed yet?” That’s when she found out about Carol’s financial issue, at which point they were able to brainstorm on a solution. If you don’t understand the real issue it’s harder to find a workable solution. You will have to create a safe enough environment, though, for the person to tell you the real issue. In this case, Susan got Carol to confide in her and they were then able to brainstorm a workable solution. They borrowed some gates so that her home was safer until the new ones actually showed up.

Do you have a story about how checking out assumptions helped you come to a workable solution more effectively? Feel free to post your comments, questions and insights below.

For more information on our programs and online learning CLICK HERE.

Yet most people don’t do this because they don’t know how to understand their own or the other person’s core needs in the relationship.

It helps to use open questions rather than closed questions. Open questions invite a multitude of answers such as “How was your day?”

A closed question, on the other hand, invites just one answer or a yes or no answer as in “Did you have a bad day?” Open questions allow the other party to describe the circumstances that led up to a disagreement you may be having. Within their description, you can often find the beginnings of a mutually satisfying solution.

Remember to ask an open question in a neutral tone of voice versus a closed question in a negative tone. You may have to fake the tone of voice first until you both have calmed down, but it can make a huge difference. For example, “I notice you haven’t finished that project yet –what’s going on around that?” versus “You are so lazy!”

The first question might attract a response such as, “I’m waiting on a response from a service provider,” which will lead to a constructive conversation about how to move along the project instead of reactive conversation about how hard working the person is or not.

Do you have another tip to share on how to better collaborate, or a question, or insight? Please post your comment below. Also feel free to check out our programs and online learning HERE

If you can prevent unnecessary conflict and can find win-win outcomes to workplace challenges, you will be indispensible on the job. You will also tend to be much happier in your personal life. Excellent communicators tend to have small habits that almost force them to deal with an issue before it becomes destructive, or at least these habits help them turn conflict around before it gets too destructive. See if any of these habits would be helpful for you. Feel free to customize them to your personality style and circumstances.

Habits to De-escalate Yourself and Others

Most conflict resolution training programs will tell you the best things to say or do in a conflict, but if you are feeling triggered, you won’t remember. Have you ever noticed that? The trick is to get out of the Reptilian Brain and activate the Neo-cortex area of the brain. The Reptilian Brain is the most primitive part of the brain. It’s like one of those old computers from the 1950’s that could do two functions. The Neo-cortex is much higher functioning and is more like your iPhone; it’s where you store all that great learning about how to communicate in a tense situation.

Think about the last time you felt “triggered”

Chances are your adrenaline levels went up, your pupils dilated, your breathing became shallow along with a number of other physiological changes. In short, your Reptilian or “fight or flight” brain was activated. In this state of mind, you only have two choices…to defend yourself or run away.

In a workplace argument, that could look like avoiding talking about something that is important to you or using defensive language (“Your manner is unprofessional!”) Let’s face it, nothing good usually comes from avoiding an important conversation or blowing up at someone, and yet most of us succumb to both from time to time. Have you ever noticed that if you are feeling calm but the other person becomes triggered that you suddenly can become that way, too? It has a viral effect.

Learn to be aware when your fight or flight brain has been triggered

It also helps to recognize it in others. If you are “seeing red,” take in a long, slow, deep breath and exhale slowly a few times. These actions will activate your neo-cortex where your higher level communication skills reside. If necessary, take time out, walk around the block, and re-schedule a meeting when you have calmed down.

Do you have a trick or a tip for getting “un-triggered?” If so, leave your comment below. For more information on our programs and online learning click here.

If the Industrial Age was built on people’s backs, and the Information Age on people’s left hemispheres, the Conceptual Age is being built on people’s right hemispheres. We’ve progressed from a society of farmers to a society of factory workers to a society of knowledge workers. And now we are progressing yet again – to a society of creators and empathizers, pattern-recognizers, and meaning-makers.

Companies need highly creative people at all levels

No matter what business you are in these days or what role you have within a company,you are required to operate at a much higher level of creativity than your predecessor did 20 years ago.
As the rate of change speeds up companies that are full of change resistant and uncreative employees cannot stay competitive. These are people I call “Change Artists” — they can create something out of nothing, demonstrate high emotional intelligence, recognize patterns and create meaning out of chaos. These are all the skills that you learn when you study the arts. The trouble is, arts were often considered just an elective, not something you had to study in school. Therefore, unless you chose to study an aspect of the arts in depth, chances are you didn’t get to activate the skills of the “change artist” as often as you could have.

Given the right environment most people love to be creative

If you give people the opportunity to consume something creative or create it themselves, most people will choose the latter if they think it will be a safe environment to experiment. Luckily, creativity is innate and just needs to be activated. The best way to activate it is to give people permission to fail, to try new things, to break free of convention. It also helps to give people parameters — so their creative brains have a focus and a deadline. Finally, people tend to be more creative in groups than alone, so set people up in teams. Many businesses today are using some aspect of the arts as a teambuilding experience because it can help to improve problem solving, innovation, teamwork and performance in their employees.

Mercer Bradley – Group Paintings

One example is one of my clients, Mercer Bradley.

They specialize in recruitment and job fit analysis for accounting and finance professionals. The company was founded by Cliff Kanto in 2007 and he understands the importance of being as innovative as possible at work—for both his employees and the employees they place.

At their last all team meeting in January 2011 here is what they did:

We took our company and divided them up into 3 random teams of 4 people. The objective was to create a painting together as a team. Interestingly, there were 3 approaches to how the groups chose to do their painting:

Team 1 jumped in and began to just paint randomly

Team 2 divided up the canvas into 4 sections so each person had their own section.

Team 3 discussed how best to approach the painting and created a unified theme for the painting.

As the paintings began to develop, we had certain people move from one group to another. What became quite obvious was that people approached their painting the same way they approach their work and even though each painting started out differently they all ended up looking very similar.

At the end of the painting session, there was a greater feeling of cohesion and unity amongst the entire company because we had all worked together to create something and a sense of pride in what we had created.

We are going to hang one painting in each of our offices: Vancouver, Winnipeg and Edmonton.

– Zoya Kanto, Director of Operations

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Has your company or organization ever done anything together involving the arts — painting, theater, music, comedy, writing? If so leave a comment below, we would love to hear about it.

Many people like to “win” a disagreement. They want to leave the conversation feeling like they were right and the other person was wrong. The downside is that this often leads to further escalation of the fight or flight response, which can lead to more loss and destruction. It can ruin your relationship and raise your stress levels. It can also lower your productivity in life because the issue entirely distracts your thinking. In the long run, this behavior can damage your self esteem and make you feel more isolated.

Yet, when triggered, humans will default to the fight or flight response – wanting to “win” an argument. This primitive part of your brain overrides the higher functioning parts. Therefore, the fight or flight brain will convince you that winning an argument will make you feel safer, when actually it might create the opposite and often does.

This default response will keep happening unless you re-train your brain and actually re-route the neuro-pathway pattern. The good news is that you can create a new default behaviour by establishing a new habit. This could be an action, words you say to someone, or a question you ask yourself, that helps activate the neo-cortex.

Usually, if you seek an outcome in which all parties feel satisfied, this can activate the neo-cortex where your higher functioning resides. It also leads to better relationships, less stress, improved reputation, enhanced leadership skills, better self esteem, etc.

The trick is to set an intention of collaboration (or a win-win outcome) before you begin a discussion on a touchy subject. Why? Because the other party will usually assume you just want to win and want them to lose out; so reassuring them that you have their interests in mind as well as you own will help them calm down. This action also helps create the possibility for both of you to achieve a win-win outcome, which often requires high level creative thinking. That kind of thinking resides in your neo-cortex, so you will need to be untriggered to access it.

You can use a simple statement such as, “I’d like to talk about how we can find an outcome to this situation that works for both of us.”

Feel free to post your comments, questions and insights below.

For more information on our programs and online learning CLICK HERE.

As Dennis Wholey once said, “Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.” People don’t always behave as well as they could because they get triggered. They interpret an interaction with you as somehow dangerous and go into a “fight or flight” mode, or the Reptilian Complex area of the brain. As such, they lose connection to their Pre-Frontal Cortex where their interpersonal communication skills reside

Have you ever noticed that some people can have healthy discussions that lead to meaningful change, while others seem to end up over and over again in nasty interactions that go nowhere? Do you have the skills that help prevent unnecessary conflict or are you unwittingly burning bridges?

Case study

This situation actually happened; but names have been changed. Susan, a family care consultant, had been polite on the first two occasions and nothing had changed. She asked Carol, the day home provider, to install a child protection gate at the top of each staircase in her house. Yet, each time Susan came for a visit nothing had been installed.

On this particular day, Susan was in a low mood; she was having problems with her teen daughter, her laptop wasn’t working, and she had a bad toothache. When she saw no gates installed, Susan exploded, “Haven’t you been listening to me? Gates are a regulation you know…they aren’t optional. I’m tired of all your excuses. Either you get the gates this week or I’ll have to penalize you!”

Carol looked shocked and spat back, “I told you they were on order and lost in shipping! There’s no need to threaten me. I’m doing the best I can here. I find your manner to be very unprofessional, you know!”

It went from bad to worse after that with both of them ending up saying things they later regretted. Carol called the agency and complained about Susan. A mediator had to be brought in. Her boss had to review Susan’s work history and write out an official report for the government.

Bad habits need re-training

Susan felt her reputation was damaged within the agency. Her relationship with her client was completely damaged too. Her stress levels went up, further complicating her issues with her daughter, and escalating her health problems.

Usually her boss would have sent her for training in conflict resolution, but at the time, there was a freeze on training due to budget cuts. Susan would have hated to be sent for communication skills training. However, after another year of similar incidents and her job on the line, she knew she had some bad communication habits and became determined to re-train herself.

She finally found an online program on conflict resolution that made all the difference. She could learn over time and repeat parts that were important to her both of which helped anchor in the learning. She could fit it into her schedule by watching whenever she wanted. She didn’t need to travel anywhere or do role plays with strangers. She had assignments that were due in on specific dates and a trusted learning partner, both of which helped her stay accountable to continue through and complete the program.

The best part was that she created new communication habits that had a powerful effect on many areas of life; more harmony and effectiveness at home, with co-workers, with her boss, with her clients and ultimately within herself.

Have you ever tried online methods to learn communication skills? If so comment below and tell us about your experience. For more information about our online learning programs CLICK HERE.

God, grant me the ability to be as good of a person as my dog thinks I am. – Anon

In a previous blog post we explored The 7 Mistakes Change Leaders Make, and how mistakes are necessary to actually develop success habits. Using the metaphor of the growing cycle we explored Mistake #1 which is Planting Your Idea in Barren Soil. Then we looked at mistake #2 which was Choosing the Wrong Kind of Idea Seed. The 3^rd mistake many change leaders make is to not watering or fertilizing your idea enough.

Linda wanted to help address exhaustion and tension at work. There was a bad “vibe” ever since the latest project went overtime and over budget. While a problem solving meeting had helped, she knew people needed something that buoyed their spirits but that didn’t take much time or money.

She had heard about the simple idea of creating fun contests that would run in the organization’s online newsletter. She went to her boss and shared stories of other companies that did a baby picture contest and a cartoon caption contest and how it improved the mood at work, enhanced relationships between people, and sparked creative thinking. Her boss reluctantly agreed as long as it didn’t pull too much focus from their deadlines.

The pilot project included asking people to send Linda a photo of their pet for a contest in which everyone was then invited to guess who the owner was. Within half an hour Linda was inundated with photos of Portuguese Water Dogs, Persian cats, and love birds. One staff member complained that she wanted to participate in the contest but didn’t own a pet due to allergies. They decided instead that she would send a photo of her favourite Boston fern.

The next week the photos went out to all the staff with a deadline. By Friday, you had to guess the owner. The person with the most correct answers would receive a $75 gift certificate to a nearby restaurant. The restaurant owner had gladly donated the prize. The contest entries came through in droves and one man in accounting got all but four answers correct. He took his two colleagues out for lunch the next week.

Linda’s boss was thrilled with the results of the contest because he saw people laughing again while they tried to trick people into divulging the type of pet they owned. He noticed two people who barely talked to each other were now comparing notes on the idiosyncrasies of Portuguese Water Dogs. Meetings had a more light-hearted atmosphere, ideas about dealing with the project seemed more innovative than before, and less people seemed to be showing up late or calling in sick.

Linda got the green light to do a new contest each month. The only problem was that sometimes people attracted to leading change are not the same type of people who like to maintain the change. Change Artists are those who can do both or at least delegate to and steward those who will maintain it. Linda was enthused about the pilot project, but lost enthusiasm when it came to the on-going “watering and fertilizing” of her change initiative. The next month’s contest was to name the organization’s mascot (a wind up pig that grunted), which was successful, but not as successful as the first one. She skipped the third one because her idea ended up seeming too complicated. The fourth contest didn’t seem to appeal to people, and so by the fifth month she dropped the project.

Linda overhead one day, though, that people were disappointed that there were no longer any contests. She realized that she needed to delegate the on-going maintenance of this idea to someone who liked maintenance. She asked four people with that personality style and one of them agreed to take it on for the next 3 months. Walter in IT made the whole project take off again because he was already handling the “news” section of the organization’s web site, so it was easy for him to do. He elicited suggestions from staff and searched the web for new contests ideas. He made sure others helped him during busy months. And generally, he enjoyed the monthly attention to detail and the joy it seemed to bring people. After five years this organization still does about 10 contests a year. The role of contest maintenance has been passed along gleefully several times to people who enjoy this kind of task, and thus the spirit and purpose of the original idea stays well nourished.

The “Inner Game” of Time Management

Whenever I survey individuals and organizations on their top three challenges at work, I almost always hear that there is too much to do and not enough time. And I’ve heard the same thing for the last 20 years. Even with all the brilliant time management systems out there, even with all the highly innovative and smart people doing the work, and even with all the time-saving technology available to us. It begs the question: “Is time management about doing something different or about being something different–or both?” My answer is that it’s both, but there has been an over focus on the outer game of time management and not enough on the inner game.

The Myth of Time Scarcity

Now I realize this is the antithesis of traditional time management, where it’s all about willing yourself to move faster, prioritizing and sticking to your agenda, etc. But if time management were only about what you do, then why do some people seem calm and centered and others seem flustered when faced with the same deadline?

Have you ever been waiting for an elevator and it seems to take an eternity, especially when you are in a hurry? Conversely, have you ever been on a vacation that was filled with amazing adventures and a month seems like a week? As Kermit the Frog once said, “Times flies when you’re having fun, and time’s also fun when you’re having flies.”

Looking at it from the big picture, clocks reduce time and make it finite. But what is time, but life itself? Time is actually your experience. By measuring time, it turns a succession of unique moments into a number and distances us from our subjective experience.

Lewis Mumford once said, “The clock, not the steam engine heralded the industrial age.” The more finely we measured time, first into hours, then minutes and seconds, the less we seem to have of it and the more the clock usurped sovereignty over our experience of life, until today when we are all — on the clock. Yet industry and business require a precise coordination of human activity. It’s hard to imagine how we could function in our organizations without the clock.

Can We Function in Society and Still Experience the Luxury of Being Unhurried?

This particular conundrum has been fascinating me lately. I grew up in the “hurry” family. I watched my parents race from one activity to the next, living under a sense of constant pressure. Naturally, I followed suit and lived my adult life this way, too. That is, of course, until reading the latest research on hormone imbalances–could it be motivated by the fear of hitting menopause without my hormones in balance? Aging — yet another reason to fear time

Some studies suggest that raised cortisol levels over extended periods of time cause hormone imbalances. Cortisol is a hormone your body produces when you are feeling hurried, inpatient, or overwhelmed, among other things. This requires the body to leech other hormones to regain balance, which eventually leads to long-term imbalances. Hormone imbalances in both men and women cause an enormous array of physical and mental problems that we are only beginning to be aware of.

To that end, over the last few years I decided to experiment with taking up to two months off every year so I could experience the luxury of an unhurried existence. The happiness, creative insights, health and well being I experienced were beyond belief. Yet, as soon as I came back to work I readopted the hurried state of mind. Finally, I asked myself and my clients, “Can we function in society and also experience the luxury of an unhurried existence?” I decided it was a worthy enough experiment, and have been surveying people and researching this topic ever since. Here is my summation of the top 2 ways to do that. For the 3rd best way view my previous blog post on Breathing:

1. Keep Things Handy for Idle Times

Make a list of regular activities that trigger you into feeling impatient. I used to get very impatient in traffic but then I realized I can use this time to be productive or get entertained. I decided to start listening to audio books. If I want a book now I go to a service like Audible to see if they have the book as an MP3. In fact, now I sometimes can hardly wait till I get to drive so I can listen to the next part of my book. Keep small things handy like your mp3 player, a book, or a notepad. Idle time can become brainstorming time. I often create a list of things I want to find a solution to. This could be a new business idea, a relationship problem I want to think through, thoughts about a new blog post or anything else that needs a good thought process. I brainstorm on all possible solutions, and choose my favourite idea and start action planning it.

2. Practice Letting Go Every Day

One of the most important skills you can ever learn is to let go of thoughts that don’t serve you. It will entirely change your life. As David Wagoner says in his wonderful poem, Lost: “What do you do when you’re lost in the forest? Stand still. The trees ahead, the bushes beside you are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here.” The point is that when you’re overwhelmed and lost, stand still. Back up to a place where you feel good, then you will begin to activate the neocortex. Usually when you feel hurried you are operating from the Reptilian Complex, where you are much less innovative, efficient, and able to focus.

Most of us treat time as a precious commodity in short supply. Time is precious, but it’s only scarce if you believe it is. Taking your time ironically lets you operate at a higher level of efficiency. So whenever you find yourself rushing try letting go of the belief in time scarcity and act as if you have all the time the world. Try it for 5 minutes and see what happens. The phenomenon may seem strange but here’s why it works so well. When you are rushing, chances are you are doing one thing while thinking about something else – like where you need to be, where you’d prefer to be. This kind of mental activity prevents us from being present with the job at hand. By actually becoming present, time seems to expand. It’s all in the experience.

If you find it hard to let go of unhelpful beliefs, check out the Sedona Method. It’s one of those easy things you can do anywhere, anytime, everyday. After a while a sense of time expansion can become your default way of being.

What very mysterious things days are. Sometimes they fly by, and other times they seem to last forever, yet they are all exactly twenty-four hours. There’s quite a lot we don’t know about them. Melanie Benjamin, Alice I Have Been

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