Worried about thieves, he put bars up on every window of his house–even on the third floor. Worried he might get sick, he took seventy-five different vitamin supplements a day. Worried that he might fall, he stapled 2-inch thick underlay to every floor of his house. The house looked like the MacDonald’s playroom. I was over having coffee, I dropped my cup and it bounced right back up into my hand.

Worrying helps you stay safe – or does it?

My father convinced me that I needed to worry or bad things would happen. I came to believe that worry was a sign of intellectualism, realism and “being sensible”. It only makes sense then, that being positive meant you were naive or in denial. Sally Armstrong, an award-winning journalist once noted, “If you write negative news, nobody asks you to prove it. If you write positive news, people want a jury.”

Great thinkers say worrying is–a waste of time

However, the more I studied the great thinkers in history, the more I questioned those beliefs. Recently author Roger Delano Hinkins wrote “Worry is paying interest on a debt you may not owe”. Sixty years ago Mark Twain said, “I’ve lived a long life and had many troubles, most of which never happened.” Four hundred years ago Moliére said, “People spend most of their lives worrying about things that never happen”. And finally over two thousand years ago Plato said, “Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.”

The Worry Jar experiment (10 minutes per week)

One day I decided to do an experiment. I got an old cookie jar and cut up strips of paper. At the beginning of the week I wrote down one worry thought per strip of paper. I put the strips in the jar as a symbolic way of “letting them go”. At the end of the week I pulled the strips out, and put them in three piles.

1. “Never happened”
2. “Happened and the consequences were manageable”
3. “Happened and the consequences were just as bad as I imagined”

Guess which was the biggest pile? The first pile contained 85-90% of the strips, the second pile 10-14%, and the third 0-1%. I did this for seven more weeks and the percentages remained similar. I proved Moliére’s theory. Now I do this exercise with participants in my longer programs and people prove it for themselves.

Then, do you notice that when you are in a low mood that life can feel stuck and more full of conflict? You see mostly obstacles. You can act petty. You take yourself and life very seriously and feel as if the world is out to get you.

Most humans have a shadow side, a split persona to one degree or another. Being able to have more choice about who will run the show can be one of the most important life lessons you will ever learn.
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Here is Carla talking about some tips for dealing with conflict at work or at home:

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What neuro-science is now telling us

Neil Slade has a great way of explaining neuro-science in practical, layman terms. When you are in a low mood the energy of your brain resides more in what neuro-scientists call “The Reptilian Complex”.

The brain has three layers:

1. The Reptilian Complex is the inner core: This is where we get our instinct to survive, fight, flee, gain territory and reproduce.

2. The Limbic System is the next layer: This is where we get our urge to nurture, to love, to join with others and follow laws and rules.

3. The Neo-cortex is the outer brain: This is where we get the skills to make peace between the R-Complex and the Limbic System, the ability to forgive and to temper justice with mercy, to reason and see the big picture. The frontal lobes of the neo-cortex in particular help you do your best problem solving and decision making.

While we need to have all parts of our brain functioning in order to thrive and survive, most people when under stress revert to the Reptilian Complex. They are disconnected from the more outer parts of the brain. Being able to trigger the frontal neo-cortex can put you in a good mood and help you be your better self more often.

How do you know when the Reptilian Complex is running the show?

The Reptilian Complex is more likely to be active during change, challenge and conflict, but can appear at any time. Learn to notice when that is happening. Usually you feel more tense, worried, fearful, distrustful, and hyper-vigilant. In short you feel like fighting or fleeing. Few situations in modern society require the Reptilian Complex to be running the show completely. Yet that’s where a lot of people are operating from a lot of the time.

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What can trigger the “petty self”?

Many factors can contribute to you getting more easily triggered such as:

1. Multitasking or having your awareness scattered.

2. Hormonal imbalances (in both men and women).

3. Excess toxins in your body from health issues or from stimulants such as coffee, alcohol, sugar and other drugs (both pharmaceutical and recreational).

4. Little or no reflection time.

5. Unresolved issues (at any age).

6. Psychological habits picked up from your family or society.

7. Lack of exercise.

8. Sleep deprivation.

9. Dehydration.

10. Feeling hungry or undernourished. Blood sugar imbalances.

11. A habit of shallow breathing or mouth breathing.

12. Not examining the validity of your thoughts.

13. Unexpressed creativity.

14. Lack of meaning in one’s life.

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Tips for activating your more “graceful self”

Here are a few tips for activating the brain to move from the Reptilian-complex to the frontal neo-cortex. Make sure you do something to put yourself in a better frame of mind before dealing with a conflict. For particularly high stakes conversations email us at carla@artistryofchange.com for a free copy of the Preparing to Have a Courageous Conversation worksheet.

1. Laughing and having fun. Laughter opens up the whole brain. Find the lighter side of the situation. Search YouTube for comedians you love. Call or talk to someone is good at making you laugh.

2. Paying attention to the present moment without interpreting it (E.g. like when you are focussed on a task you love or appreciating a sunset)

3. Focussing on one thing at a time Don’t try to deal with conflict when your focus is scattered, for example while trying to drive your car or while checking email.

4. Giving yourself the amount of sleep that your body wants (usually 7-8 hours for most adults). Wait til your rested before having an important conversation.

5. Asking “What’s good?” Ask yourself “What’s good about this situation?” What might you be learning from this conflict? What might be a great outcome from sorting out this issue?

6. Releasing negative thinking loops EMDR or Emotional Freedom Technique can help you release stuck negativity and trauma. Also, many conflicts result from escalating a small issue into a large one through an over-active imagination. The work of Byron Katie or The Sedona Method are useful for helping people examine the validity of their thoughts.

7. Doing regular exercise .Do something active before an important conversation to help release toxins from the body and increase the oxygen levels in your body.

8. Nourishing your body on a regular basis with good, nutritious food. Make sure your blood sugar levels are normalized before starting an important conversation. Drinking 8 glasses of purified water a day and stay hydrated during conflict. This will help your brain work more efficiently.

9. Creating meaning and purpose in your life. Explore your purpose and live your life from that value system as much as possible. As Les Brown once said, “If you know the why for living you can endure almost any how.”

10. Having a creative or recreational outlet. Singing, dancing, writing, art, gardening, golf, tennis, skiing, etc. These activities will keep you in your “graceful” self more often.

11. Getting inspired daily. Leave inspirational literature by your bedside. Watch inspirational movies or listen to inspirational audio programs. Watch inspiring speakers on TED or just type in “inspirational speech” or “motivational speech” into YouTube.

12. Practicing conscious breathing Try typing in “conscious breathing techniques” into YouTube and follow the instructions.

13. Getting regular physical contact. Loving touch activates the whole brain (E.g. Hugs, kisses and massage)

14. Getting organized and defining your work more clearly (try David Allen’s Getting Things Done)

15. Surrounding yourself with people who are generally optimistic and good-natured. The moods and thoughts of others can impact your well being. Establish healthy boundaries with people who like to create drama and conflict.

16. Thinking in possibilities. If you feel stuck about how to solve a problem ask yourself “If I were exceptional at solving this problem I would…”

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Do you have a tip to share?

If you have an example of how you activate your best self please let us know. It just might inspire others. Please email it to carla@artistryofchange.com

Several prizes are being given out and the top place winner receives a free spot in our 4 day Artistry of Change retreat at Hollyhock!

The judges were:

• Carla Rieger, The Creativity Catalyst
• Marisa Cohen,Creative Writer and Blogger
• Phyllis Harber-Murphy,Creative Virtual Assistant
• Carol Ann Fried, Fun at Work expert–Training, Speaking and Coaching
• David Gouthro, Creativity and Innovation expert–Training, Speaking and Facilitation

To be informed about our next contest, feel free to subscribe to our email list and this blog’s RSS feed.

Here are the 4th, 3rd, and 2nd place winners for the Workplace Creativity Contest:

Fourth Place – Having fun with lack of storage space

from Lorian Markin of the Justice Institute of BC in New Westminster BC, Canada

Lorian writes, “We are very short of storage space at the Justice Institute and often the only place to store boxes of classroom materials is literally under our desks. I always joke about someday making a little fort out of them, and one morning I came in and my co-workers had built one for me!”

Third Place – Olympics at the Beach

from Bliss at Symantec in Bellingham

Bliss writes, “A few years ago when working with Symantec, we took two teams of folks who worked in different groups–but needed to communicate flawlessly–to the beach.  Once there, we mixed them up in newly formed teams and conducted Symantec Olympics on the Beach.

Seeing each other slipping as they raced, and limbo-ing on the sand and passing eggs on spoons had everyone laughing together in no time.  As I bet you would agree, if you laugh together, you can work together.  I was the one with the stopwatch and whistle, and can attest to that fact. As for other companies, you don’t have to go to the beach to have your own “Olympic” events.  You can be anywhere, from the park to the office hallways, just being willing to get silly together does wonders.”

Second Place – Re-inventing a child’s play area at Salmon Arm Credit Union

Contributed by Louise Delaney, Salmon Arm Savings and Credit Union

I work as the Manager, Marketing for the Salmon Arm Savings and Credit Union. Our main branch had an old run down kids “play” area which featured hand me down books, a painting on the wall and a wooden rocking horse from the 1950;s. We called him “Horsey”.  Horsey entertained generations of children who waited for their folks while they did their banking.

As cute as he was, Horsey seemed dangerous to me. He slid along a metal contraption which could easily slice off little fingers. He was rickety so tended to buck off excited children. And worst of all, he stood in front of a plate glass window.  I couldn’t stand the potential risks we could incur and so I turned a hazard into a creative opportunity.

I lassoed Horsey one night and took him to my office pasture, much to the complaints of the kids, parents (now really, would they allow Horsey to live in THEIR playroom – safely?), and from staff who had to deal with disappointed kids and aggravated parents.

I needed to bring “Horsey” back in a way that didn’t pose any hazards, that enabled staff to work without too much noise, and that would satisfy parents and their kids. I thought about how to design something using local imagery, local design talent and local business to produce it. I put our Ad agency on the case (Mediability Communications and Creatability Design).

After many design drafts: here is the interactive, magnetic board which lines the walls of our kids area. It is 10 feet wide by 5 feet high and surrounds two corner walls. The elements in the design can easily be taken off and can be moved wherever the spirit takes those who dare to play (kids and adults alike). It features local bird life, it is close to the ground for little kids and it corrals little folk into a manageable area.

The kids love it, the parents love it, the staff love it and Horsey remains peaceful in the pasture but reincarnated in the new design. The design is now being custom produced for in home use thereby increasing business for those involved.

See the next blog post for The Grand Prize Winner of The Workplace Creative Contest

Reasons 3 and 4

Reason 3.       Naysaying. You may have identified your stressor and an ideal outcome, but the minute you try to come up with a solution the “inner editor” takes over. Every idea gets shot down.

“I could decline helping at the volunteer event this weekend.” “No, I can’t do that, then I’d let everyone down.” If this happens too often the ideas tend to dry up. When you are feeling overwhelmed or defeated by the nay saying mind, it’s easy to forget that you have all the resources you need inside.

If you have ever played tennis with someone who is a better player, often your game improves. It’s called learning by osmosis. You can do this with any area of life by imagining you were someone who is exceptionally good at solving your particular issue. This activates coping skills you may have forgotten you have.

Do this by answering the question: “If I were exceptionally good at (what you are trying to create). E.g. “If I were exceptionally good at staying at ease and confident in the face of all my obligations I would…prioritize every morning, let go of lower priority obligations, and exercise more often.” Make as big a list as possible of all the things that come to mind.

Reason 4.       Not re-setting your intention daily. Many people say it’s impossible to change because they tried for a week and it didn’t work. Or, they looked at their goals every day but nothing ever changed. The biggest difference between people who successfully make lifestyle changes and those who don’t is this: they re-set their intention daily. If you brushed your teeth once a month you wouldn’t expect to have healthy teeth, would you?

Every time you feel pulled to return to your stressor (such as overeating or smoking or working too hard) imagine you are someone who does it differently. E.g. Imagine you are actually doing yoga every morning, or prioritizing before you start work each day.

Since neuroscientists have now discovered that we have brain cells throughout our entire body, it serves to embody the new mind set, and to fully imagine yourself doing these new habits. Over time you will re-wire how your system habitually operates, re-writing new neuropathways in your brain and the new behaviour will just happen naturally.

It’s natural to feel stress from time to time. That is how we learn and grow. However, more and more people seem to be stuck in a state of high stress all the time. This week I am outlining 6 reasons why and what you can do about it. Today I wanted to Blog about the first two reasons.

Reason 1 and 2

1.       Not identifying your stressor. You may feel stress in your body, something niggling away at you, but you aren’t quite sure what it is. Often people don’t ease their stress because they haven’t identified the core issue. Sit down with pen and paper and dialogue with the affected area of your body, whether it’s a stomach ache, a tense jaw, an overall feeling of exhaustion.

You may be amazed to discover what it is.  Since, you can’t get where you want to go until you know where you are, this is a mandatory first step.

Write down something that starts with “I am + the feeling or sensation”. E.g. “I am overwhelmed by the amount of things on my To Do list.”

2.       Not stating an ideal outcome. Many people know their stressor, but all they do is focus on that. They complain, they blame, they dissect the problem from many angles, but never think about what they’d like instead.

Albert Einstein once said “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind set that created it.” This step is about choosing a different mind set. As such, be sure to choose something that you can control such as your attitude, your habits, or how you focus your time, instead of something like the weather or the economy.

Always start the sentence with “I have chosen to be…” This reminds you that you can use your imagination to choose your attitudes. E.g. “I have chosen to be at ease and confident about dealing with my To Do list.” This step prepares your mind for new ideas.