Yet most people don’t do this because they don’t know how to understand their own or the other person’s core needs in the relationship.

It helps to use open questions rather than closed questions. Open questions invite a multitude of answers such as “How was your day?”

A closed question, on the other hand, invites just one answer or a yes or no answer as in “Did you have a bad day?” Open questions allow the other party to describe the circumstances that led up to a disagreement you may be having. Within their description, you can often find the beginnings of a mutually satisfying solution.

Remember to ask an open question in a neutral tone of voice versus a closed question in a negative tone. You may have to fake the tone of voice first until you both have calmed down, but it can make a huge difference. For example, “I notice you haven’t finished that project yet –what’s going on around that?” versus “You are so lazy!”

The first question might attract a response such as, “I’m waiting on a response from a service provider,” which will lead to a constructive conversation about how to move along the project instead of reactive conversation about how hard working the person is or not.

Do you have another tip to share on how to better collaborate, or a question, or insight? Please post your comment below. Also feel free to check out our programs and online learning HERE

1. Play with perspective

Make a list of what you don’t like about your work. Ask yourself “What’s good?” about each of these items. Feel free to use your sense of humor, be practical, be whimsical, be bold. It’s for your eyes only.

Ex: Too much email – it’s a great distraction from other jobs, at least there are people (or spammers) that want to connect with me, I can avoid an uncomfortable face-to-face conversation with that annoying person down the hall.

2. Lean into the job

Act as if you loved this job, just for 10 minutes. Take your hands off the handle bar of the roller coaster and jump into the job like it was a thrill ride. Imagine it is something you absolutely love to do, like salsa dancing, or going golfing, or having a double mocha latte from Starbucks.

3. Stay curious

Ask yourself open questions. What triggers me most about this job? What is another way I could deal with this job? Could I be delegating it? Could I abandon it? Could I re-systemitize it so that it’s more enjoyable? Could I invite others to do it with me? Could I do it at another time of day so that I’m not interrupted so often?

4. Become exceptional

With this new information now ask yourself “If I were exceptional at loving this job and doing it brilliantly…what would I do?” When I asked myself this question about email overload I decided to make a game of it. I created a system.

First I went through and deleted anything unimportant. Then I color flagged them: red = deal with now, blue = deal with this week, yellow = deal with next week. Emails for reference only I created a separate folder for in my InBox. I used Dragon Naturally Speaking voice recognition software (which makes it go much faster once you get it going). I decided to do this system for only one hour.

After the hour I took a break to actually go get a double mocha latte from Starbucks as a reward

Send us a story

If you have a way of loving a job you hate, post it below in our comments. ) Or you can email it to carla@carlarieger.com

Here is a summary of the top traits you need to develop to be an Artist of Change:

1. ACCEPT PARADOX: To accept paradox is to see an issue from many different perspectives. It means being vastly empathic not just towards people but towards circumstances. For example, seeing how to improve customer service even though you have just been told the budget is being cut.

2. DESIGN AND RE-DESIGN: The ability to Design is now a form of workplace literacy like knowing how to use Microsoft Office. If you can’t Design then you need to take a crash course. Design is a multi-faceted skill that involves envisioning a new possibility, then re-configuring existing information, tools and resources so that it’s usable to others. For example, instead of accepting that your industry will always be high turnover, you might envision the possibility of attracting stable employees. Then you would re-design your recruiting strategy for an entirely new population segment.

3. THRIVE IN CHAOS: The Conceptual Age is filled with possibilities that point to no single “right way” anymore. Breakdowns, turnovers, mergers, acquisitions, upgrades are all happening more frequently. At the beginning of any change process you will always find chaos.  People who get stressed and resistant when chaos reigns will lose out. Those who can thrive, and even enjoy, chaos will be able to stay in higher performance states and therefore be better able to carry on and get the job done well.

Bottom Line

You’ll have to be creative to stay employed. But who doesn’t want to be creative? It’s inherently more rewarding to be creative than to be an information drone.

By the way, you can only transform if you develop on-going practices or habits that allow those traits to flourish. For more ideas, tips, workshops, staff development programs, keynotes and products go to The Artistry of Change website

You should be suspicious because change is not the issue anymore.

Unless organizations make quantum leaps now, they will be unable to cope with what’s coming.  Check back tomorrow when I will explore the habits we need to cultivate to thrive in the new Economy.

We are now in The Conceptual Age

Traditional Change Management strategies were born in the Information Age. We are now in the Conceptual Age according to Daniel Pink in A Whole New Mind. We need transformational leaders rather than change management scripts. We now need people at all levels of an organization to think in transformational ways rather than only be good at giving or receiving orders.