Had a Bad Public Speaking Experience? 3 Steps for Healing and Moving On

Written by Carla Rieger on . Posted in Build Your Expert Business, Mindsets for Success, Network Marketing, Personal Growth, Public Speaking

Every time that Sabrina even thinks about public speaking, she breaks out into a cold sweat, she starts to shake and her skin goes blotchy. It’s starting to becoming a problem for her. She wants to be able to speak to groups to build her career and business, but even the thought of talking to three people at the same time sends her into a tail-spin.

One day she had to get up and stand in front of three colleagues and give a short ten-minute presentation on a subject she knew like the back of her hand. It took her forever to start; she talked so fast she got through it in less than five minutes, couldn’t answer any questions afterwards and threw up after it was all done.

What can she do? If she doesn’t figure out why she has this knee-jerk reaction to public speaking soon, it may affect her career success badly. She knows that the way to success is to overcome it, but she can’t even figure out why it is happening!

Sabrina’s Not The Only One

Most people have a fear of speaking in public in one form or another, and it’s partly due to our survival brain going into overdrive. It’s only the last 70 years or so where a good majority of people had easy access to food and shelter. Before that, most generations of people weren’t even sure if they were going to eat that day! Everything in life was about having food, clothing and proper shelter to stay alive.

Our brains have been wired since the dawn of time to survive, and that meant being constantly aware of all the negative things that could happen and REMEMBER THEM. And that is where our reaction to public speaking comes in.

We all have a need to feel accepted and part of a group of people who will support us. We need it to survive! Wouldn’t you agree? But…

There are sneaky, dirty tricks that the school system uses to torture poor children and make them afraid, and they are called speeches and school plays. Every other subject on the face of the earth, they educate you in, from arithmetic to zoology. But they expect us to able to prepare a speech or memorize lines for a school play and deliver it flawlessly in front of a group of other children and adults waiting for us to screw up with no training whatsoever!

And when we mess up, and most of us do, it leaves a very, very, very bad memory in our mind. Our survival brain kicks in and tells us that public speaking is dangerous and will cause people to abandon you because you are just not good or strong enough. Remember that saying that only the strong survive!

I know that it is crazy. You are not going to die just because you gave a bad speech at school or froze up trying to act your three little lines for the school play. We rationally know it.  So anytime that you have to present, your survival brain kicks in and will do whatever it takes not to have a repeat of that childhood experience and guess what? You end up having a bad experience which reinforces the conclusion that you came to as a child. You are no good at public speaking, and you need to stay away from it…period.

But it doesn’t have to be that way, and the first step you take towards freedom is to recognize that. Realize that you were put into a situation that you shouldn’t have been, at an age where you weren’t emotionally prepared to deal with the consequences of it, and there was no training or support afterwards to help you process it properly.

You Are An Adult Now

As an adult, you can handle public speaking. As an adult, you are more than capable of learning new skills and implementing them. As an adult, you know who you are and have a the ability to forgive yourself for mistakes! LOL. As an adult, you can deal with things in a rational manner and recognize bad situations for what they are. Not life defining moments, but a few minutes in a lifetime of mostly good things.

Now before we go into the rest of the steps, there is one more area I want to cover. Maybe you didn’t have bad experiences in school; maybe your public speaking was ok or even good but other things can affect your ability to get up in front of a group of people.

How we were taught to perceive ourselves is a big one. Maybe people told you that you were too shy, or that you aren’t smart enough. Maybe every time you tried to speak to a group, people ignored you, and you though that nobody wants to listen to you. These are all things that get down into your subconscious and program you to be unsuccessful in that area.

We all have mental programming from the past, some of it good and some of it bad. Now is the time to get rid of the bad stuff so that you can move forward to become the public speaker you were meant to be. So whether it’s your survival brain acting up or bad subconscious programming, here are the steps you can take to overcome it and start having confidence in speaking.

Before I became the professional public speaker I am today; I was a shy, quiet, introverted person who hated public speaking. At one point, I had to get up in front of a small group of people for my job in a career centre and give a presentation. Let’s just say that I sweated profusely, and my hands shook so bad that I could barely hold the paper. It did not turn out well.

The wonderful thing was that instead of getting fired, my boss took me aside and gave me these great tips.

STEP #1 – Journal Every Day

Write Down Everything That Worked

Record things that you did well that day, especially anything that had to do with speaking. It is important to be constantly looking at the good in you.

Write Down An Area Where You Can Improve

Now the point of this is not to make a list of how bad you are. You want to write down one thing that you can work on the next day. One of the things I struggled with was avoiding eye contact with my audience. That was one area I worked on improving.

Write Down Areas of Strength & Places You Saw Improvement

Every time I spoke after that, my boss videoed it and we would watch it together. We would both write down where I was getting better and where I could improve. She had a much longer list of where I was getting better, and that helped me a lot.

As I did this, I started to believe in myself more and then my speaking improved. It was a positive self-fulfilling prophecy.

Step 2 – Program Your Brain for Success

To program your brain for success right before you go to speak. Find a calm place, and remember a time that you gave a presentation well. It doesn’t have to be to a group, but could be 1-to-1. Just make sure it was a good experience, or mainly a good experience. Use your imagination and go back into that memory. What did you see, hear and feel that made you feel good about the situation? Relive that moment. The subconscious mind can’t tell the difference between a real or imagined situation. It can be like loading the software for success to be successful again.

Step 3 – Have Compassion

If someone got up to speak and maybe they didn’t do so good, you would have compassion for them, right? You would recognize that they did the best they could, and they are just learning. So, try that with yourself.

No one is born an amazing speaker. Even those with natural talents have to practice to get excellent. Cut yourself some slack and remember that this is a learning process. Look for areas where you did well. What improved since last time? By doing this, you reinforce the positive and continue to make it stronger in your life.

You can become the speaker you want to be. It is possible. Don’t give up on your dreams. Take the action steps you need to improve and reward yourself for your persistence. You will never regret it.

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mij_solo_opaqueTry The Memory Imprint Journal for FREE (normally sold for $37).Just click HERE.  It will help you:

  • build up a positive self image when it comes public speaking
  • let go of bad memories
  • improve your confidence

 

 

 

Prospecting: 3 Tips for Building Your Confidence

Written by Carla Rieger on . Posted in Build Your Expert Business, Free Stuff, Mindsets for Success, Network Marketing, Personal Growth

one-to-one-meeting-asian-woman-with-white-manIf you have your own business, chances are you need to prospect regularly. You need to find and influence people to buy into your ideas, products, services or opportunities. Some people love this part of business, but a lot of people find it very challenging.
You can have all the strategies in the world, but if you lack belief in yourself, then those strategies are useless. Doubt and fear can make the whole process so much MORE challenging, if not impossible.
You may doubt the value of your offer (products, services, ideas, opportunities). You may doubt your own abilities to communicate about it properly. You may be judgmental of yourself when you make mistakes, and so you don’t learn from your setbacks.
Here is a solution that’s helped thousands of people break free of all that in 30 days. The Memory Imprint Journal is a downloadable 1-page PDF, that you fill out for 30 days in a row. And the good news is that it’s FREE, right now. It takes about 10 minutes a day. It will help you develop positive habits of mind in these 3 areas:
  1. Regular Appreciation of self, others and circumstances
  2. Finding Evidence of core beliefs changing for the better
  3. Bringing Good Memories back to the surface

Why do this?

Reason #1 –  Studies show that people who are happy with themselves and life in general are far better at prospecting, then people who are unhappy. Daily appreciations help “raise your vibration”, thus making you more magnetic for success.
Reason #2 – People who are successful at prospecting typical have these kinds of core beliefs:
  • Belief in Your Offer – believing in the value of your products, services, ideas or opportunities
  • Boldness – the self confidence to continue approaching people despite setbacks
  • Worthiness – feeling worthy of support, income, attention, success, etc.
  • Forgiveness – willingness to forgive yourself and others for inevitable mistakes along the way
  • Learning – willingness to learn from those mistakes, let go and move on
This part of the free Memory Imprint Journal will help you build those core beliefs, by noting evidence of those core beliefs showing up more and more in your life…because what you focus on grows!
Reason #3 – Successful people tend to reinforce memories of success versus memories of failure. Once you learn from your mistakes, it’s best to let them go. The problem is that the human mind tends to loop on negative memories, and tends to forget good memories.
You can change this default habit by purposefully retrieving good memories regularly. Writing them out kind of “saves” them to the front recesses of your mind. You can then easily retrieve them the next time you need to prospect. If you mainly remember times you were successful, chances are you will be successful again.
In this part of the Memory Imprint Journal, you write out examples of when you successfully prospected (for anything), for your business, or even buying into any idea, product, service you believed it. For example, maybe you simply opened someone’s mind to reading a book you like. It all counts to growing your self image in this skill.
Try it and see if you like. It’s best to do it right before bedtime. This 10 minutes a day (for 3o days) could change your life forever.
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Memory Imprint Journal
Just go HERE to get your FREE copy of

THE ART & SCIENCE OF MINDSET MASTER-FREE Webinar

Written by Carla Rieger on . Posted in Free Stuff, Mindsets for Success, Miscellaneous

FREE Webinar on Wednesday and Sunday this week
The Art & Science of Mindset Mastery
with Carla Rieger and Dave O’Connor.
Register here: http://carlarieger.com/ArtandScienceofMindsetMastery

We will be walking through a 3 step “Mind Story” system to:

  • release limiting beliefs that may be sabotaging your success
  • free you from staying stuck at a mediocre level in your career
  • create the kind of future you REALLY want to have

Discover tools you can use over and over again for the rest of your life.

 

1 Minute Habits that Can Change Your Life Forever

Written by Carla Rieger on . Posted in Free Stuff, Mindsets for Success

shutterstock_161993396Life can be stressful, so I wanted to share with you 3 small habits that vastly lower stress. These have changed my life, and those of thousands of clients—for the better.
Each take around 60 seconds. The trick is to just remember to do them and so I suggest here 3 times of day to do them. If you can make them a habit for 30 days, they will likely go on auto-pilot for the rest of your life.

3 Small Habits that will Change Your Life Forever

 After 22 years of researching how to life a more successful life, I think these are the top 3 small life habits that have made the BIGGEST difference.

 1.    Daily Appreciations (before bedtime)

The human mind will default to focussing on the negative…about yourself, others and life in general.  Yet it’s a universal truth that what you focus on grows…so that will get you more of what you don’t want. The good news is that you can train your brain to focus on the positive and on what you DO want.

Each night before sleep write down 3 things you appreciate.

#1 About yourself (e.g. went for a walk in nature)

#2 About someone else (e.g. Laura for helping me at work)

#3 About a life circumstances (e.g. view of the mountains)

It gives you a better night’s sleep, helps you let go of regrets from the day, and improves life satisfaction and success, because what you focus on grows.

 

2.    Mentally Rehearse Your Day (first thing in the morning)

Many top achievers use this trick – pro athletes, musicians, actors, sales people, company leaders, etc.  As you wake up, through run your mind the things that are coming up in your day. Instead of worrying about them, imagine them going well. For example:

#1 Imagine calmly and smartly prioritizing your day

#2 Imagine getting ready in time for an important meeting

#2 Imagine a successful conclusion to a prospecting conversation

Intention is very powerful and most of us underutilize this skill. It will greatly increase your chances of having a great day.

 

3.    Stop to Orient Yourself to the Now (midday)

Around midday, stop for one minute and orient yourself to the present moment. Use your five senses – sight, sound, feelings, touch, smell. For example:

 #1 – I see the sunlight shining on a tree outside

#2 – I feel the floor under my feet

#3 – I smell soup heating up in the kitchen

Most people are racing around lost in their heads. This can fragment the mind and cause disharmony and stress. Getting present like this, even for just 1 minute triggers relaxation hormones and lightens your mood.

Which small habits have changed your life?

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Want more on changing bad habits of mind into good ones?

Check out our FREE Webinar on “The Art & Science of Mindset Mastery”. With Carla Rieger and Dave O’Connor. You will learn 3 ways to rewire your brain for #success.

http://carlarieger.com/ArtandScienceofMindsetMastery.

Are You A Business Presenter? Do This Quick Public Speaking Quiz

Written by Carla Rieger on . Posted in Build Your Expert Business, Public Speaking, Videos

business presenter

Test your public speaking knowledge as a business presenter. Most people get a little anxious and some people get very anxious when giving presentations in a business setting.

If you want to become more confident when educating people about your business, then rehearsal makes ALL the difference. Whether you are presenting to one person or many, include stories and examples that you have crafted well and rehearsed many times over. This will make you  come across as more professional.

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Try the Memory Imprint Journal for free–do the 30 day challenge and watch your confidence levels change for good: https://mindstorycoach.com/mijregistration/

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