After years of coaching, surveying thousands of people on change, and studying the art of personal achievement, here are the top 3 reasons I’ve heard about why people can’t change.

#1 – Not enough of something (e.g. money, time, support)

#2 - Lack of clarity (e.g. around goal, or direction, or how to do it)

#3 – I don’t have what it takes (e.g. not enough experience, training, courage, etc)

While these reasons at a surface level might seem true, they miss the underlying issues that may be causing these problems in the first place.

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Surface Reason #1: Not enough money, time support

People often say they don’t have enough time, money, opportunities or support from key people in their life. Think about an area of life where you feel stuck about how to change, do any of these reasons resonate for you? For example, finding more fulfilling work, losing weight, improving your financial situation, etc.

Actual Reason: While on the surface “not enough of something” may seem true, often the underlying reason is a perception problem. Your assumptions can be your prison.

Case study: One client said she couldn’t achieve life balance because she had no support from her family or boss. However, that turned out to be a false assumption. Her kids and husband told her they actually prefer it when she seemed happy and balanced rather than burned out and resentful. Her boss said the same thing. The real reason she felt burned out was that she was not prioritizing, setting boundaries, and communicating effectively about her needs. Underneath that reason was a belief that she had to sacrifice her well being for other people. Underlying that belief was a fear of disapproval, which plagues many people and stops them from moving forward in life. By removing this core level script about needing other people’s approval she was able to then set boundaries, prioritize, and communicate her needs. This allowed her to then effortlessly regain life balance and to finally make it stick.

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Surface Reason #2: Lack of clarity

People often say they cannot change their situation because they don’t know how to change things or what direction to go in.

Actual Reason: What may actually be happening is that they haven’t given themselves permission to explore what’s really going on.

Case study: Another client disliked her job but felt an inner conflict because she disliked every job she’d had and couldn’t face having to quit and find another one only to face the same situation yet again. By making an appointment with herself and taking time away from distractions to be quiet and to focus on the issue, she was actually able to resolve the inner conflict quite easily. It was the fear of facing the inner conflict rather than the conflict itself that was 80% of the struggle. Upon deeper reflection she discovered that it wasn’t what she was doing but how she was doing her job that was causing her grief. She had an unconscious script telling her she had to do everything perfectly. The reality of perfection was impossible to achieve so she was in a perpetual state of angst. Once we removed the “perfection script” and replaced it with a more realistic expectation of herself, she was able to keep her job and find peace and happiness in her daily life again.

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Surface Reason #3: I don’t have what it takes

A very common surface reason is some version of “I don’t have what it takes”. I don’t have enough experience, know-how, credibility, guts, skill, confidence, persistence, centeredness, belief in myself, etc.

Actual Reason: Underneath all those beliefs is usually one core belief about lack of worthiness. To quote Wayne and Garth from Wayne’s World “I’m not worthy!” is the sub-conscious mantra of many people. A sense of unworthiness is at the core of many issues regarding money, health, relationships, career and even spirituality. While a belief like this may seem illogical, many beliefs are programming either as a child before your logical reasoning ability had formed, or was picked up unconsciously from parents, teachers, marketing messages, or society. The truth is, you are still getting programmed every day without even being aware it is happening. The good news, however, is that you can re-program yourself as often as you need so that you can get more of the results you want.

Case study: Another client had a dream about starting his own business. He wanted to help people deal with the sudden death of a loved one–with the practical, financial and emotional issues. He worked at a bank and had a long list of reasons why he couldn’t get started, but in the end we discovered that he just didn’t believe in himself. No one in his family had ever done anything like that. Who was he to think he could realize his dream? He didn’t trust that he had the courage or persistence to pull it off. The irony is that you actually have to manufacture trust at the beginning to take action which then leads to success which then builds trust in yourself. So, together we manufactured enough trust and belief in himself to take a few small steps towards his dream. These steps then snowballed into larger and more on-going actions. I’m happy to say that now he has a full time business in this area. He has realized his dream.

To learn more about how to manifest a goal or a dream that you’ve always wanted, go to:

http://www.choicerepatterning.com

Tags: Achieving your dreams, burn out, Canada, career transition, Carla Reiger, carla rieger, change management, creativity, fear of change, feeling stuck, finding your passion, motivational speaker, perfectionism, Re-inventing yourself, self worth, UK, unconscious sabotage, vancouver

Hey, it’s Stephanie Staples here, stepping in for globe-trotting Carla Rieger! I am the Life Coach on call at YourLifeUnlimited.ca

Today I’d like to share a quick video with you to discuss one rarely mentioned, but key characteristic that will help you get through virutally any tough situation. Can you guess what it is? Check out the video and see if you agree …

If you are interested in continuing on your quest for your personal best, I’d like to help by offering you some resources:

• Videos, article and download a copy of my Your Life, Unlimited Guided Journal at no charge.

• Socialize with me and an empowering community of like-minded, positive people.

• Cruise to Uncommon Success with me, en route to Alaska July 3-10, 2011.

• The 5 “A” Principles for a Life of Success & Significance CD – great value and Instant motivation straight to your MP3!

Thanks for sharing your time with me. Carla will be back in the saddle next week!

Tags: Achieving your dreams, Alaska cruise, coaching, leadership, Stephanie Staples

Balancing your brain can improve your entire life

According to the latest findings in neuroscience, if you balance your brain it can make you better on the job and in your personal life. The trouble is that more people than previously thought have a brain imbalance. In fact, an imbalanced brain is almost the norm in society today. I was labeled dyslexic in Grade 1 and sent to a special learning class–I could barely read and wrote letters backwards. However, after doing many of the brain balancing techniques listed below I learned how to read and comprehend at normal speed. I went onto 8 years of post secondary schooling, wrote 4 books, and have run a successful business for 22 years helping other people access their creativity, better use their brains and manage transitions more effectively.

The most indispensable people on the job today

The most indispensable people on the job today are those who can shift gears easily and bring constructive behavior to challenging situations. Brain scans can often show how brain imbalances are at the root of behaviors that cause problems for yourself or others at work such as getting too easily stressed, being a “type A” personality, or being unable to problem solve. The good news is that there are ways now to balance different aspects of the brain so you can help yourself and others move through transitions with ease and grace.

If your frontal lobes are imbalanced you cannot learn from your mistakes

The brain is a complex piece of machinery and neuroscience findings change daily, but here is a simplified version of what we know now. There are several aspects of the frontal lobes that help you be a Change Artist. For example, your frontal lobes house your ability to learn from mistakes, make plans, and reach your goals. When your frontal lobes are balanced, it helps you be compassionate towards others, expressive of your thoughts, organized, goal-oriented, flexible in your thinking, and adaptive to changes.

What happens when you get out of balance?

The frontal lobes are like the CEO of the brain. When they are underfunctioning, it’s like there is no leadership in the office, so nothing gets done, you can be unmotivated, disorganized, unfocused or too self absorbed. When the frontal lobes are overfunctioning, it’s like the boss is micromanaging everyone. You can display “type A” personality style where you make goals more important than people, you can become rigid and inflexible, being productive for productivity’s sake while losing touch with the ultimate purpose of your work.

“Type A” people often have a brain imbalance

Often people with overfunctioning frontal lobes go undetected in workplaces and can even be rewarded. They may be sales people who bring in good cash flow to the company, but they are doing it at the expense of their health and their relationships with others. They offer short terms rewards but sometimes with devastating long term costs. The overfunctioning person can have obsessive thoughts, compulsive behaviors, excessive worrying, argumentativeness, or oppositional behavior. They can “get stuck” on certain thoughts or actions such as “I must work all the time”, “I must check email every 5 minutes”. It’s the same mindset as an addict who must have a drink, a drug, food, sex, gambling, coffee, shopping, self judgment–and even when they get their fix they want it again soon. In other words, they keep thinking about or doing something that they know is harmful but feel like they cannot stop it.

What can cause Frontal Lobe imbalance?

Many things can cause the frontal lobes to get out of balance such as:

- a brain injury or even a small bump to the head
– poor nutrition
– excessive toxins in the body
– little or no reflection time
– unresolved issues from your past
– lack of exercise, sleep or water
– a habit of shallow breathing or mouth breathing
– unexpressed creativity
– not examining the validity of your thoughts
– multi-tasking

How can you re-balance your Frontal Lobes?

Here are some activities and processes designed to balance the frontal lobes:

1. Neurotherapy (see below for more info)
2. Good nutrition, supplementation and hydration
3. Detoxing your body
4. Reflection time or a regular spiritual practice
5. Cognitive or psychotherapeutic process (see below)
6. Regular exercise
7. A habit of 7-8 hours of sound sleep per night
8. A habit of full body breathing
9. Finding a meaning and purpose for your life
10. Expressing yourself creatively
11. Paying attention to the present moment
12. Focusing on one thing at a time

Here are processes and resources that can help:

1. The Change Your Brain books by Dr. Daniel Amen  http://www.amenclinics.com

2. Neurotherapy — the use of computerized biofeedback equipment to change your brainwave activity http://www.swingleandassociates.com

3. Brain Gym – a series of physical movements that enhance brain functioning http://www.braingym.org

4. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)7 – a series of tapping procedures designed to remove negative blocks from the body’s meridian system http://www.emofree.ca

5. The Sedona Method – a cognitive process to release negative thoughts http://www.sedona.com

6. The Choice Repatterning Process with Carla Rieger – a process to re-write beliefs that cause brain imbalances http://www.choicerepatterning.com

Do you have a tip to share?

Do you have an example of how you balance your brain? If so, leave it in the comment below. It just might inspire others.

Tags: Artists of Change, Brain Gym, Canada, Carla Reiger, carla rieger, change artist, change management, Change Your Brain, Choice Repatterning, creativity, Daniel Amen, Dr. Swingle, EFT, motivational speaker, Neuroscience, Neurotherapy, stress management, the sedona method, UK, vancouver

It isn’t always obvious when you need to make a change. Life doesn’t always come with a calendar alert telling you what to change and when. There is a spectrum of human behaviour when it comes to change and reinvention. On one end of the spectrum you find people who hate it and become tense when faced with even minor change. On the other end of the spectrum you find people who actually seek out constant change and hate stability.

Most people are somewhere in the middle. Regardless of where you are on the spectrum, sometimes it’s better to seek stability and at other times to seek change. So, if you aren’t sure you’re ready for change, here are some tell-tale signs that you may need to reinvent:

1. Daydreaming
You find yourself daydreaming about what you’d rather be doing. This is important information to take note of. People tend to rehearse the changes they like to make in their lives through their imaginations. Please note, though, that sometimes you don’t need to change what you are doing, but rather how you are doing it. For example, a client who was a business owner was working 60 hours a week and was day dreaming of a life with more down time. She kept thinking she needed to sell her business, when actually what she needed to do was to change her beliefs and habits about how she ran her business.

2. Irritability and lethargy
You notice that situations you used to enjoy actually irritate you now. You also may be dragging yourself out of bed every day. If you are not looking forward to facing the challenges of your day it may mean you either need to reinvent what you are doing or how you are doing it. Notice if someone comments on how negative you seem, don’t take offense, but thank them for clarifying this telling sign. Sometimes you can get so used to being irritated that you become numb to it. Awareness of the moods that permeate your behaviour is an important first step in making a major life change. You can also talk to someone that has seen you consistently for a number of years and candidly ask them how they perceive your attitude. Use their answer to activate your resolve to change.

3. Dissatisfaction
You may feel an insatiable nagging which is a clue that an important part of your expression in the world is being ignored. You may feel that “nothing’s wrong, but nothing’s right either” or “there’s just something missing.” If these phrases resonate for you, you aren’t living the life you truly want, you are settling for something less. A big reason people cannot get beyond a nagging sense of dissatisfaction is because they aren’t totally sure what to change or how to do it. One way to gain clarity is to ask yourself, “If there were no obstacles in terms of time, money, or resources what would I do that I’m not doing now?” One of my coaching clients discovered that he wanted to be a moviemaker. This discovery led him to being the person who started making promotional videos within his organization.

4. Envy
If someone you know is doing something that fascinates you or if they trigger a sense of envy, or both, that is a good clue. Make some notes about what they are doing it and how they are doing it that capture your attention or that gnaws away at you. This could be someone in your community or a famous person. Chances are that person is demonstrating some aspect of your ideal life, and your fascination or aversion can be a huge sign post for you. The number one reason people don’t actively pursue their dreams is because they don’t give themselves permission to look and see what they actually want. Make an appointment with yourself. Put aside 30 minutes on a Sunday morning, and ask yourself this question: “What is it about this person that most fascinates me or that I most envy?” For example, one of my coaching clients noticed that she felt envy whenever her friend talked about her work for an arts foundation. Eventually this client created a series of joint ventures between her company and the arts foundation. The envy led her to something that created more fulfillment in her life.

5. Seeking inspiration
Another clue you need a change is if you find yourself searching for new ideas and inspiration. Observe the articles that catch your attention or which web sites you are browsing. Notice the topics of conversation that intrigue you. Keep note of these behaviours and what you find in your research. It will all become useful when you are ready to make the change. For example, another coaching client noticed that in one year she had read seven books on how to deal with difficult behaviours at work. She went onto having a consulting practice in workplace communication.

Next steps
If more than 3 of these signs describe you, do at least one small action to work toward changing your life. This could mean writing in notebook (you can call it a Reinvention Journal) for 30 minutes on Sundays, or interviewing someone on the phone who is doing what you want to do, or browsing 3 web sites on topics that fascinate you. Just remember that reinventing yourself in one area of your life can enhance all aspects of your life.

Feel free to post comments, questions or insights below.

To check out more resources for reinventing your career CLICK HERE.

Tags: Achieving your dreams, Canada, career change, career counselling, Carla Reiger, carla rieger, change management, motivational speaker, Re-inventing yourself, Re-invention Brainstorm, UK, vancouver

A recent survey of workplace mediations and lawsuits revealed that an estimated 80% of conflicts could have been avoided if people had checked out assumptions early on.

Think of a conflict you may be having right now. Are you making an assumption that is escalating your reaction—an assumption may not be true?

Susan, a family care consultant, had been polite on the first two occasions and nothing had changed. She asked Carol, the day home provider, to install a child protection gate at the top of each staircase in her house. Yet, each time Susan came for a visit, nothing had been installed.

On this particular day, Susan was in a low mood; she was having problems with her teen daughter, her laptop wasn’t working, and she had a bad toothache. When she saw no gates installed, Susan exploded, “Haven’t you been listening to me? Gates are a regulation you know…they aren’t optional. I’m tired of all your excuses. Either you get the gates this week or I’ll have to penalize you!”

Carol looked shocked and spat back, “I told you three times already they were on order and lost in shipping. There’s no need to talk to me like that. I’m doing the best I can here. I find your manner to be very unprofessional!”

Both women became triggered whereby their “fight or flight” brain took over. People usually get triggered when they makes assumptions and don’t check out whether or not they are true. Susan assumed that Carol was just lazy and had no intention of installing the gates. As it turned out, Carol was having financial difficulties and so she tried to buy a less expensive set online. The shipping was taking a long time.

Carol assumed that Susan thought she was incompetent. As it turned out, Susan was very impressed with Carol’s competence, but was just frustrated that the gates were still not installed after several weeks of asking. Unchecked assumptions coupled with a hectic day can spell disaster if you don’t have ways to prevent unnecessary communication breakdowns.

A great metaphor for understanding how releasing assumptions can open up conversations is to think about naturally occurring forest fires. Nature is wise. Small forest fires happen for a reason. Old growth trees create a canopy that doesn’t let the sunshine reach the forest floor. If the plants on the forest floor can’t get sunshine, they can’t survive and then there’s no food for animals to eat, which then messes up the whole eco-system.

Forest managers used to suppress those regular fires until they figured out that they were creating uncharacteristically large wildfires that ended up devastating huge areas. It can work like that in life. If you don’t regularly let the old burn down, something big will come along and burn it down for you. Have you noticed that? Assumptions can work the same way. If you don’t regularly burn away and release your assumptions about people’s motives and thoughts, your relationships can get damaged.

Your assumptions about a conflict could actually be incorrect. Write down everything you believe to be true about the other person’s thoughts and motives, then arrange a time to talk to the person and ask open questions.

In the case of Susan, she finalled asked in a neutral tone of voice, “What is really getting in the way of you not having the gates installed yet?” That’s when she found out about Carol’s financial issue, at which point they were able to brainstorm on a solution. If you don’t understand the real issue it’s harder to find a workable solution. You will have to create a safe enough environment, though, for the person to tell you the real issue. In this case, Susan got Carol to confide in her and they were then able to brainstorm a workable solution. They borrowed some gates so that her home was safer until the new ones actually showed up.

Do you have a story about how checking out assumptions helped you come to a workable solution more effectively? Feel free to post your comments, questions and insights below.

For more information on our programs and online learning CLICK HERE.

Tags: Canada, Carla Reiger, conflict, motivational speaker, stress management, UK, vancouver, workplace solutions