Few business communicators know how to use stories effectively whether it’s in a formal presentation, a conversation, or in an email.

Those who can use stories effectively stand out dramatically against those who can’t.

Why? Because people love stories. Moviemaking is a multi-billion dollar industry. There are ten times as many fiction books published as non-fiction books. The human brain lights up when you start to tell a well crafted story.

Sometimes the word “Storytelling” has been used in a derogatory sense to mean fabricating events to mislead people or a long winded interpretation of something.

However, here I mean a way of making business or educational communication more engaging and understandable.

For example:

• a case study that illustrates a concept
• a metaphor or comparison
• a short anecdote
• an mythological teaching story
• an incident from someone’s life that highlights a point you want to make

Most presenters need more of these, but either can’t think of any to tell or lack the skills to delivery them well. Take the quick quiz below to assess your storytelling ability.

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Storytelling in Business – free webinar

Wed. April 18, 2012 at 6 pm Pacific

For more info and to register: http://www.learnitlive.com/class/1850/Storytelling-in-Business

In the last 15 years of coaching presenters, speakers, trainers and educators, I have often heard people say they have no sense of humor because they cannot tell jokes. Telling jokes is only one of a hundred different ways to elicit laughter from people. Each person has a different style of humor. The trick is to find your style and build on your innate strengths.

For example, are you the kind of person who can keep people riveted while telling a story about your latest trip to the grocery store, yet always blow the timing on a joke? Perhaps you like to clown around being playful, but get lost trying to do witty one-liners?

Watch this video and do the process to determine your style. For a more detailed personality quiz, click on the link below. These humor styles are, of course, highly generalized. Most people have qualities of more than one style, or will tend to switch from one style to the other depending on their environment. Use this information as a place to start. If you begin with humor that suits your personality style, you will have more success than if you try something too foreign right from the start.

Once you experience success in your dominant style, you can expand your skills to include different types of humor to appeal to different types of people.

Click on this link to get your free copy of the Humor Personality Style Inventory

http://www.speakersuccessu.com

Problems can be the seed of your creative reinvention

You may be feeling stuck about a technical issue, or how to persuade a decision-maker to accept your idea, or trying to work with someone who grates on your nerves. The truth is, problems are actually the basis of all creativity. They are like the soil into which new possibilities can flourish. You would not be challenged to be creative if you didn’t have a problem to solve in the first place. The real problem would be not activating a creative mindset in the face of problems. That is why creativity is as important as literacy especially these days.

The top 5 questions to ask yourself

Below are 5 questions that can move the problem out of your reptilian brain into your neo-cortex. In other words, the questions direct the issue into a part of your brain that has more choice – other than just fight or flight.

Instructions

Feel free to use this with yourself or with those you influence. Print out the email and answer these questions on a sheet of paper. It should only take a few minutes and has been known to create a huge sense of relief in hundreds of our clients.

1. What is the problem you face in terms of a state of mind?

This question helps you to get clear on your current issue. Many times you can’t fix a problem because you don’t even know what it is. It also focuses your attention on the state of mind that is feeding the problem. For example: “I am overwhelmed by my priorities.”

2. What is your ideal outcome?

As Albert Einstein once said, “You cannot solve a problem with the same mindset that created it.” Your ideal outcome would therefore be a mindset that allowed you to solve the problem. For example: “My ideal outcome is to be confident about how to deal with my priorities.”

3. What’s good about having this problem to deal with right now?

Chances are you looking at this issue as “the glass is half empty”. All situations have their pros and cons. This question can help you see “the glass as half full”. Look at what you answered to Question #1 and see if you can find any benefits from working through this issue. It might be helping you build skills, activate your creativity, or allowing something else to occur that might otherwise not happen.

4. What needs to burn away so that the right solution can manifest?

Naturally occurring forest fires happen to keep the eco-system in balance. The canopy of old growth trees can completely block sunshine from reaching the forest floor where important plant life needs to flourish in order to feed the rest of the eco-system. Metaphors like this help open up the creative mind. What needs to burn away in terms of an assumption, a mindset, or point of view that’s blocking you from getting back in the flow with this situation?

5. If I were exceptional at (the task required), what would I do that I am not doing now?

This question helps you think outside of a limited view you may have of your abilities. You can “download genius” just by imagining you are someone who could easily sort this situation out. For example: “If I were exceptional at confidently dealing with my priorities (instead of being overwhelmed by them), what would I do that I’m not doing now?”

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Case study #1 – Overwhelmed by your priorities this week

Question #1: “I am overwhelmed by my priorities.”

Question #2: “My ideal outcome is to be confident about dealing with my priorities.”

Question #3: “What’s good about having to deal with this situation right now?” I have a fascinating project I get to work on right now that is inspiring me to grow, to better prioritize, and to be more innovative about how it gets done.

Question #4: “What needs to burn away?” Thinking that I need to be perfectionistic about this project, that I need to do it all myself, and that I need to spend as much time on low priority aspects as I am right now.

Question #5: “If I were exceptional at confidently dealing with my priorities (instead of being overwhelmed by them), what would I do that I’m not doing now?” I would delegate the task of formatting the document to someone who is better at it than me, such as Linda.

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Case study #2 – Dealing with negative behaviour at work

Question #1: “I am unclear and anxious about how to confront negative behaviour at work.”

Question #2: “My ideal outcome is to be confident about how to deal with negative behaviour at work.”

Question #3: “What’s good about having to deal with this situation right now?” I am getting to practice assertiveness skills, I’m helping our entire team by dealing with this situation openly, I’m getting to see how to use that negative behaviour for a positive outcome.

Question #4: “What needs to burn away? Thinking that I don’t know how to do it, and thinking that this negative behaviour can have no positive outcome.

Question #5: “If I were exceptional at confidently dealing with negative behaviour at work, what would I do that I’m not doing now?” I would make a list of all the ways I could direct this person’s behaviour style in a more positive direction.

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Next steps

Act on the wisdom you receive as soon as possible, as this will train your brain to start thinking like this more often. The brain will always seek the path of flow (or of least resistance), and will eventually default to it. In other words, once you show your brain a less stressful way to deal with your most common problems, you will no longer feel triggered by them. This creates a new neuro-pathway. That is why action is so important.

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Feel free to comment below–what questions do you use to activate your problem solving brain?

For more information on how you can improve innovative problem solving in your staff go to CLICK HERE

Today I’d like to share a quick video with you to discuss one rarely mentioned, but key characteristic that will help you get through virutally any tough situation. Can you guess what it is? Check out the video and see if you agree …

If you are interested in continuing on your quest for your personal best, I’d like to help by offering you some resources:

• Videos, article and download a copy of my Your Life, Unlimited Guided Journal at no charge.

• Socialize with me and an empowering community of like-minded, positive people.

• Cruise to Uncommon Success with me, en route to Alaska July 3-10, 2011.

• The 5 “A” Principles for a Life of Success & Significance CD – great value and Instant motivation straight to your MP3!

Thanks for sharing your time with me. Carla will be back in the saddle next week!

Yet most people don’t do this because they don’t know how to understand their own or the other person’s core needs in the relationship.

It helps to use open questions rather than closed questions. Open questions invite a multitude of answers such as “How was your day?”

A closed question, on the other hand, invites just one answer or a yes or no answer as in “Did you have a bad day?” Open questions allow the other party to describe the circumstances that led up to a disagreement you may be having. Within their description, you can often find the beginnings of a mutually satisfying solution.

Remember to ask an open question in a neutral tone of voice versus a closed question in a negative tone. You may have to fake the tone of voice first until you both have calmed down, but it can make a huge difference. For example, “I notice you haven’t finished that project yet –what’s going on around that?” versus “You are so lazy!”

The first question might attract a response such as, “I’m waiting on a response from a service provider,” which will lead to a constructive conversation about how to move along the project instead of reactive conversation about how hard working the person is or not.

Do you have another tip to share on how to better collaborate, or a question, or insight? Please post your comment below. Also feel free to check out our programs and online learning HERE

If you can prevent unnecessary conflict and can find win-win outcomes to workplace challenges, you will be indispensible on the job. You will also tend to be much happier in your personal life. Excellent communicators tend to have small habits that almost force them to deal with an issue before it becomes destructive, or at least these habits help them turn conflict around before it gets too destructive. See if any of these habits would be helpful for you. Feel free to customize them to your personality style and circumstances.

Habits to De-escalate Yourself and Others

Most conflict resolution training programs will tell you the best things to say or do in a conflict, but if you are feeling triggered, you won’t remember. Have you ever noticed that? The trick is to get out of the Reptilian Brain and activate the Neo-cortex area of the brain. The Reptilian Brain is the most primitive part of the brain. It’s like one of those old computers from the 1950’s that could do two functions. The Neo-cortex is much higher functioning and is more like your iPhone; it’s where you store all that great learning about how to communicate in a tense situation.

Think about the last time you felt “triggered”

Chances are your adrenaline levels went up, your pupils dilated, your breathing became shallow along with a number of other physiological changes. In short, your Reptilian or “fight or flight” brain was activated. In this state of mind, you only have two choices…to defend yourself or run away.

In a workplace argument, that could look like avoiding talking about something that is important to you or using defensive language (“Your manner is unprofessional!”) Let’s face it, nothing good usually comes from avoiding an important conversation or blowing up at someone, and yet most of us succumb to both from time to time. Have you ever noticed that if you are feeling calm but the other person becomes triggered that you suddenly can become that way, too? It has a viral effect.

Learn to be aware when your fight or flight brain has been triggered

It also helps to recognize it in others. If you are “seeing red,” take in a long, slow, deep breath and exhale slowly a few times. These actions will activate your neo-cortex where your higher level communication skills reside. If necessary, take time out, walk around the block, and re-schedule a meeting when you have calmed down.

Do you have a trick or a tip for getting “un-triggered?” If so, leave your comment below. For more information on our programs and online learning click here.

Many people like to “win” a disagreement. They want to leave the conversation feeling like they were right and the other person was wrong. The downside is that this often leads to further escalation of the fight or flight response, which can lead to more loss and destruction. It can ruin your relationship and raise your stress levels. It can also lower your productivity in life because the issue entirely distracts your thinking. In the long run, this behavior can damage your self esteem and make you feel more isolated.

Yet, when triggered, humans will default to the fight or flight response – wanting to “win” an argument. This primitive part of your brain overrides the higher functioning parts. Therefore, the fight or flight brain will convince you that winning an argument will make you feel safer, when actually it might create the opposite and often does.

This default response will keep happening unless you re-train your brain and actually re-route the neuro-pathway pattern. The good news is that you can create a new default behaviour by establishing a new habit. This could be an action, words you say to someone, or a question you ask yourself, that helps activate the neo-cortex.

Usually, if you seek an outcome in which all parties feel satisfied, this can activate the neo-cortex where your higher functioning resides. It also leads to better relationships, less stress, improved reputation, enhanced leadership skills, better self esteem, etc.

The trick is to set an intention of collaboration (or a win-win outcome) before you begin a discussion on a touchy subject. Why? Because the other party will usually assume you just want to win and want them to lose out; so reassuring them that you have their interests in mind as well as you own will help them calm down. This action also helps create the possibility for both of you to achieve a win-win outcome, which often requires high level creative thinking. That kind of thinking resides in your neo-cortex, so you will need to be untriggered to access it.

You can use a simple statement such as, “I’d like to talk about how we can find an outcome to this situation that works for both of us.”

Feel free to post your comments, questions and insights below.

For more information on our programs and online learning CLICK HERE.

As Dennis Wholey once said, “Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.” People don’t always behave as well as they could because they get triggered. They interpret an interaction with you as somehow dangerous and go into a “fight or flight” mode, or the Reptilian Complex area of the brain. As such, they lose connection to their Pre-Frontal Cortex where their interpersonal communication skills reside

Have you ever noticed that some people can have healthy discussions that lead to meaningful change, while others seem to end up over and over again in nasty interactions that go nowhere? Do you have the skills that help prevent unnecessary conflict or are you unwittingly burning bridges?

Case study

This situation actually happened; but names have been changed. Susan, a family care consultant, had been polite on the first two occasions and nothing had changed. She asked Carol, the day home provider, to install a child protection gate at the top of each staircase in her house. Yet, each time Susan came for a visit nothing had been installed.

On this particular day, Susan was in a low mood; she was having problems with her teen daughter, her laptop wasn’t working, and she had a bad toothache. When she saw no gates installed, Susan exploded, “Haven’t you been listening to me? Gates are a regulation you know…they aren’t optional. I’m tired of all your excuses. Either you get the gates this week or I’ll have to penalize you!”

Carol looked shocked and spat back, “I told you they were on order and lost in shipping! There’s no need to threaten me. I’m doing the best I can here. I find your manner to be very unprofessional, you know!”

It went from bad to worse after that with both of them ending up saying things they later regretted. Carol called the agency and complained about Susan. A mediator had to be brought in. Her boss had to review Susan’s work history and write out an official report for the government.

Bad habits need re-training

Susan felt her reputation was damaged within the agency. Her relationship with her client was completely damaged too. Her stress levels went up, further complicating her issues with her daughter, and escalating her health problems.

Usually her boss would have sent her for training in conflict resolution, but at the time, there was a freeze on training due to budget cuts. Susan would have hated to be sent for communication skills training. However, after another year of similar incidents and her job on the line, she knew she had some bad communication habits and became determined to re-train herself.

She finally found an online program on conflict resolution that made all the difference. She could learn over time and repeat parts that were important to her both of which helped anchor in the learning. She could fit it into her schedule by watching whenever she wanted. She didn’t need to travel anywhere or do role plays with strangers. She had assignments that were due in on specific dates and a trusted learning partner, both of which helped her stay accountable to continue through and complete the program.

The best part was that she created new communication habits that had a powerful effect on many areas of life; more harmony and effectiveness at home, with co-workers, with her boss, with her clients and ultimately within herself.

Have you ever tried online methods to learn communication skills? If so comment below and tell us about your experience. For more information about our online learning programs CLICK HERE.

Teaching people how to learn, how to create something from nothing, makes more sense than teaching facts that will soon become irrelevant. Having spent years in the arts while also coaching change leaders, Carla couldn’t help but notice that leaders with some kind of artistic training could lead change more fluidly than those without. What did they have that others didn’t have? The ability to let go of assumptions, thrive in chaos, redesign and reframe … in other words they could learn on a dime.

The most indispensable people in the world today therefore are those who know how to learn. So is our education system doing enough to prepare students to be indispensible in this way, or is it just preparing them to be good contestants on Jeopardy?

There are thousands of students who would actually contribute greatly to the world, but who can’t survive a system that only rewards factual regurgitation. The good news is that the forest floor is alive with new life with alternative forms of education that prepare learners to thrive in our brave new world.

God, grant me the ability to be as good of a person as my dog thinks I am. – Anon

In a previous blog post we explored The 7 Mistakes Change Leaders Make, and how mistakes are necessary to actually develop success habits. Using the metaphor of the growing cycle we explored Mistake #1 which is Planting Your Idea in Barren Soil. Then we looked at mistake #2 which was Choosing the Wrong Kind of Idea Seed. The 3^rd mistake many change leaders make is to not watering or fertilizing your idea enough.

Linda wanted to help address exhaustion and tension at work. There was a bad “vibe” ever since the latest project went overtime and over budget. While a problem solving meeting had helped, she knew people needed something that buoyed their spirits but that didn’t take much time or money.

She had heard about the simple idea of creating fun contests that would run in the organization’s online newsletter. She went to her boss and shared stories of other companies that did a baby picture contest and a cartoon caption contest and how it improved the mood at work, enhanced relationships between people, and sparked creative thinking. Her boss reluctantly agreed as long as it didn’t pull too much focus from their deadlines.

The pilot project included asking people to send Linda a photo of their pet for a contest in which everyone was then invited to guess who the owner was. Within half an hour Linda was inundated with photos of Portuguese Water Dogs, Persian cats, and love birds. One staff member complained that she wanted to participate in the contest but didn’t own a pet due to allergies. They decided instead that she would send a photo of her favourite Boston fern.

The next week the photos went out to all the staff with a deadline. By Friday, you had to guess the owner. The person with the most correct answers would receive a $75 gift certificate to a nearby restaurant. The restaurant owner had gladly donated the prize. The contest entries came through in droves and one man in accounting got all but four answers correct. He took his two colleagues out for lunch the next week.

Linda’s boss was thrilled with the results of the contest because he saw people laughing again while they tried to trick people into divulging the type of pet they owned. He noticed two people who barely talked to each other were now comparing notes on the idiosyncrasies of Portuguese Water Dogs. Meetings had a more light-hearted atmosphere, ideas about dealing with the project seemed more innovative than before, and less people seemed to be showing up late or calling in sick.

Linda got the green light to do a new contest each month. The only problem was that sometimes people attracted to leading change are not the same type of people who like to maintain the change. Change Artists are those who can do both or at least delegate to and steward those who will maintain it. Linda was enthused about the pilot project, but lost enthusiasm when it came to the on-going “watering and fertilizing” of her change initiative. The next month’s contest was to name the organization’s mascot (a wind up pig that grunted), which was successful, but not as successful as the first one. She skipped the third one because her idea ended up seeming too complicated. The fourth contest didn’t seem to appeal to people, and so by the fifth month she dropped the project.

Linda overhead one day, though, that people were disappointed that there were no longer any contests. She realized that she needed to delegate the on-going maintenance of this idea to someone who liked maintenance. She asked four people with that personality style and one of them agreed to take it on for the next 3 months. Walter in IT made the whole project take off again because he was already handling the “news” section of the organization’s web site, so it was easy for him to do. He elicited suggestions from staff and searched the web for new contests ideas. He made sure others helped him during busy months. And generally, he enjoyed the monthly attention to detail and the joy it seemed to bring people. After five years this organization still does about 10 contests a year. The role of contest maintenance has been passed along gleefully several times to people who enjoy this kind of task, and thus the spirit and purpose of the original idea stays well nourished.